my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
