the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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