how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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