Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
