I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
