Duck Duck Cougar?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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