this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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