remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
