I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
