How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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