so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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