just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fill condoms, not promises.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize