Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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