You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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