I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize