What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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