i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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