I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
