...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
