Grow some girl-balls and come out already
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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