the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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