Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
