She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
