its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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