Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
