Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
