hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
