I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
