also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
