i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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