We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
