Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You made out with two different species that night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize