New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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