Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize