there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize