dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
