I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
