so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
