why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize