Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
