Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
