I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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