and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Come on in and take your pants off
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