An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize