Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
