I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
