I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
