i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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