Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
