so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
