Im at strip club and am horny
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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