I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
