woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
