Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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