I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
