The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
