The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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