are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
