I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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