Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize