so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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