just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
