hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
