stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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