Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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