i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
