apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This baby is an asshole
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
