I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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